A lot of people define insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” I like to think of it as, “Buying things ‘As seen on T.V.’ and expecting them to actually work like they did in the commercial.” I learned this very tough lesson again this week, and for some reason, I feel compelled to enlighten everyone on this Friday.
For months, my daughter and I have been subjected to the “Purrfect Arch” commercial, and unless, you’ve been living in an Amish community or subjected to a television ban… my guess is that you’ve seen it too. It’s the one featuring a Siamese show cat, circling what looks to be a gigantic toilet bowl cleaner in a state of complete nirvana! I would love to say that I watched this commercial, with only the happiness of my two cats in mind, but the truth is… it was the contraption’s dual purpose feature as a “hair removal system” that had me reaching for the phone.
You see… until recently, I’ve been under some false impression that my SHORT HAIRED cats don’t shed, but reality came crashing down on me a couple of weeks ago, when my mother popped by with a housewarming gift: AKA a Shark vacuum cleaner! Though this product is also “seen on T.V.” it actually works. In fact, it may work TOO well, because after my first pass of the downstairs, it became clear to me that the cats DO shed. They shed a lot!
Realizing that no amount of denial on my part was going to solve the problem, I have become obsessed with trying to figure out how to fix this problem. If I’m honest… it’s not so much the hair itself that bothers me. It’s the fear that if I don’t get this resolved quickly, my family may wind up the victims of some embarrasing reality show intervention, where our friends and family come forward to set the record straight, once and for all! This… is how the “Purrfect Arch” crept back onto my radar.
As I was getting ready for work on Wednesday, with CNN blaring through the house, I heard it! That ridiculous woman’s voice was droning on and on about the magical cat grooming toy. I nearly poked myself in the eye with my mascara, before rushing into the bedroom to jot down the 1-800 number. Of course… I missed it again! At that point, I was too discombobulated and late for work, to remember that I pay good money for a DVR designed to prevent such tragedies. On the bright side, I DID manage to get in there in time to catch the name of the product. I made a mental “note to self” that I should get on-line later and look it up. After all… who could forget a name like Purrfect Arch? As it turns out… me!
Instead of beating myself up, as usual, I convinced myself that it was a sign from God that neither I, nor my cats, truly needed this thing. There was just ONE nagging thought! The lady on the commercial said they were now offering TWO perfect arches for the price of one! At $10/arch… I’d be INSANE not to get one… right? I quickly dismissed the whole idea. I mean, let’s be honest, if the arch was THAT great, they wouldn’t be discounting it! Whew! I had rationalized my way out of this purchase, yet again… until last night!
Right there in the middle of a late night Walgreen’s run, there it was… the arch! Ok… so I didn’t actually stumble over it walking through the front door. I had to walk down the “As Seen on TV” aisle, but nevertheless… it was there! My daughter and I couldn’t get home and get the thing set up fast enough. Imagine how happy these guys are going to be!
It’s a good thing we both have vivid imaginations because, in reality… NOTHING happened! Initially, the two of them just stared at it from a distance, with disdain. Eventually, the curious one (Who we’ll call Chang) discovered the “catnip-infused carpet” base, and started digging his way to China… before darting off like a meth addict. Of course, he was very cautious not to let any of the toilet bowl bristles muss up his thick coat of fur!
Right about the time I began thinking… “I could have just gone out back, set fire to a 20 dollar-bill, and saved myself a lot of trouble”… I looked over at my daughter, and we both burst into laughter at the absurdity of it all. Maybe buying the “Purrfect Arch” wasn’t so insane, after all! Maybe this was just one of those reminders that so few things in life ever turn out the way you think… and sometimes, it’s ok to laugh about it! Happy Halloween!