It’s not like I didn’t know this day was coming. Sooner or later, those of us who made a decision to reproduce know we’re going to have to answer that burning question our kids have been dying to ask for years, but were afraid to know the answer to. Last week, it was my turn in the hot seat. “Mom… (terminally long pause) Is Santa Claus real?”
O… M… G!!!!! Despite all prep work and studying I had done over the years to answer this very question… I completely froze up. I pulled a Rick Perry right there in the middle of I-65. Before the stammering and stuttering became any more awkward than it already was, I did the only thing I knew to do. I answered her question with a question. “Gosh! What would even make you ask such a question.” Really? That’s the best I could come up with?
When you remove the emotion from the situation and think about it rationally… what self-respecting 10 year-old WOULDN’T be curious as to how a grossly obese man with the gift of omnipotence delivers toys to the entire world in a mere eight hours on a flying sleigh??? I mean it sounds completely plausible… right?
In my defense, I may have been still been a little shell-shocked over how the whole Tooth Fairy deal went down. I loathe to admit this, but my former husband and I were closet smokers. No lectures! I know it’s disgusting, but back when I was married… my husband and I would bond at the end of the night by having a cigarette.
We were so self-conscious about our dastardly deed we were committing that we always smoked outside and were very careful to always flush the evidence afterwards. Unfortunately, one of the cigarette butts escaped our sewer one night… only to be discovered the next morning by our then five year-old.
I can still remember her blood curdling scream from the bathroom. “Mom! There’s a CIGARETTE… in our toilet.” She marched out and looked me square in the eye as if to demand an answer. I feigned a look of shock and said, “What? That’s weird!” About that time her dad walks by and says, “You know… the tooth fairy was here last night.” (Yes… he did.) Our daughter had this look of complete horror on her face. With tears welling up in her eyes she said, “The tooth fairy SMOKES!”
Realizing the horrible turn this was taking, he quickly assured her that the Tooth Fairy did NOT smoke! Clearly, some degenerate had left the cigarette butt out on the sidewalk, and the Tooth Fairy, being the good citizen that she is, merely picked it up and disposed of it for us. Needless to say, we aren’t exactly experts in the imaginary hero department. All I could think last week is how I was about to blow it for a second time.
I should have seen this coming last year when she refused to sit in the guy at the mall’s lap and called him a “faker” under her breath as we walked by. I still remember the year I figured it out for myself. My 5th grade year, I got over ambitious and asked Santa for a horse. Of course I knew good and well there was no Santa Clause! This was emotional extortion plain and simple. My parents had already refused to get me a horse. In my mind I remember thinking, “Whatcha gonna do now? Huh? You gonna blow Christmas for me?”
I underestimated my parents. When confronted with the prospect of purchasing a 300 lb. live animal, they had no problem whatsoever destroying my dreams and telling me the gig was up.
I guess I was just hoping we could get a few more years out of it. I envisioned us having this discussion the summer after high school… as we were getting her things together for college. Why do we have to cross the Santa Claus bridge a mere six weeks before Christmas?
For now, my stall tactics have bought me another week at best, but I know the dreaded question could come at any time, like a thief in the night. The one thing I am sure about… is that I’m not ready.
Wow, I got stuck at “back when I was married…”, my train of thought derailed itself, and all I could think of was, “this beautiful, funny, interesting woman might be single and perhaps even available!”… Then reality slapped me right in the face and reminded me that I am 62 years old, unemployed, not particularly interesting or attractive, and usually tongue-tied around pretty women, so I read the rest of your post.
My answer to my each of my kids when the time came was that it’s true that there is not one Santa Claus who delivers toys to every child on the planet, but Santa Claus was real in spirit and he lives in all parents who save and sacrifice to make sure that their children have the merriest Christmas possible. He lives in all the people who give of their time and money to make sure that underpriviledged children have presents to unwrap on Christmas morning. He lives in every single person who has the spirit of giving during the Christmas season, and all the rest of the year.
As you might expect, they weren’t too satisfied with that answer, but they gradually realized that a Santa-in-Spirit was mostly just as good as a Santa-in-Person. Then they realized that they had been let in on the Great and Good Conspiracy that adults have maintained for generations, which meant that they had taken a step toward adulthood and were now part of the Great and Good Conspiracy themselves, and they now had the responsibility of keeping the Conspiracy alive for their younger siblings, cousins and friends. This is usually about the time that kids realize that giving can be more rewarding than receiving, which is indeed a giant step forward in life.
Well said Michael. My now 6th grader learned last year and was so heartbroken but this year is “ok” with the truth. She has already informed me that she wants all her presents wrapped this year too (Santa always left things unwrapped on Christmas Eve) so guess I’ll be buying more paper just to have it ripped and thrown away in the blink of an eye. It was fun while it lasted but she gets to be in on it now for all the other little ones. Have a great day and thanks for posting Jennifer. Keep up the great work!
C’mon Jen, I would think that since “God has fully restored (you) in mind, body and spirit” then you could surely at least give His Son the full Glory of Christmas, no? I’m not lecturing you in particular Jen, and listen, you won’t find me in a church seat every Sunday, but I just find it head scratching that some Christians still do the whole santa thing. I mean, could it be a bigger slap in Jesus’ face? The Savior of the World’s Birthday and we focus on an imaginary character and give him similar qualities that Jesus really does have and more? Why? Then, on the Anniversary of His death, we tell our kids that we’re celebrating rabbits? Really? Maybe you can turn it into a bad news (santa is bs) / good news (your soul is saved!) type of response to your kid. Of course they will think it sucks now, but when they mature and that truth is their foundation, well, let’s just say that I would have wanted to know that for myself so long ago as an impressionable young boy. Perhaps it’s why Jesus (and all His Grace) is so hard to believe in later in life, when everything else you thought was true, turned out to be a convenient lie.
B-Rad, of course Christmas is about Christ, and Christmas is supposed to be a joyous occasion. I’ve heard these arguments before, and I just don’t see the overly simplistic reasoning as being legitimate. “Santa Claus is not real so neither is Jesus”? Even a ten year old kid isn’t going to think that way. I remember when I found out about Santa Claus, it didn’t affect my belief in Christ at all, even at nine, I knew they were two different things, and I remember my next Christmas as being even better because I got to help with Santa Claus for my little sister and my younger cousins. Santa Claus helped me discover the joy of giving, and if anything, it strengthened my religious beliefs.
Jennifer, there is a lovely little thing on Pinterest for parents to use when the big question comes. You can probably look for it in the search block, but I could probably forward it on to you. Just let me know if you want it.
I’ll do it Joyce! I have a book someone sent me at the station called Kristin and the Santa Secret which is fantastic too if anyone’s looking for answers.
B-rad… I don’t disagree with your overall point, but I think it’s a swift judgment to assume that everyone who celebrates this global tradition is a pichfork carrying satan worshiper. LOL
I’m not here to have a philosophical debate, but just for the record… I am a christian. In my house… we worship Jesus EVERY day… not just on Christmas. He is not, and never should be some magical character that comes out once a year like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.
Jennifer
Fair enough Jennifer. My only real point is that, if what you say is true (and I have no reason not to believe you, not that you’d care if I didn’t) then dumping the whole santa charade maybe shouldn’t be so difficult. Unless, you are over-dramatizing the situation to make for an interesting blog entry. You wouldn’t do that would you? Would you? LOL
Now where did I put my pitchfork?
B-rad, it seems apparent from your comments here that you don’t have children. I don’t think it’s possible for a loving parent to overdramatize this sitution. Your last comment seems almost like a personal attack on Jennifer, but you wouldn’t do that would you? Would you?
I think it’s pretty obvious where your pitchfork is…
Michael….as you’ve said you’re old, ugly and unemployed, but let me inject that you have no sense of humor either. So give up the knight in shining armor act. It’s over. She ain’t going for you. Like. Ever. Go find a geriatric blog where you might have a shot at a blind woman, who can’t hear. And let me give you a piece of good advice when you braille your first words to your scrabble date: don’t rattle off your worst qualities in the first sentence. Maybe you’ll actually get a couple dates in before she senses you’re a creep and calls authorities.
B-rad, I was being humorous without attacking anyone, and at least I had the courtesy to post my real name. You, on the other hand, are using an alias and engaging in suspiciously trollish behavior. As for being a creep, it’s your posts that fit that pattern. I don’t call posts that attack people humor, they’re usually the work of immature, insecure people with inferiority complexes who think that they’re building themselves up by tearing others down, They’re wrong, all they are doing is showing themselves for what they really are.
I’m not saying that you’re one of those people, but if the shoe fits…
BTW, I won’t be replying to your posts again, I don’t believe in feeding the trolls!
Well goodness gracious! Who knew a blog about Santa could generate such a lively debate. LOL
Jennifer
Having gone through the Great Santa Conspiricy with both children and grand children, I can understand the gravity and drama of the situation. Perhaps B-rad doesn’t have kids and so, doesn’t understand.
Of perhaps he is dyslexic and thought the blog was about Satan…
Saint Nicholas was a Christian preacher who wanted to share with the under privileged.
Saint Nicholas of Myra is the primary inspiration for the Christian figure of Sinterklaas. He was a 4th century Greek Christian bishop. Nicholas was famous for his generosity to the poor, in particular presenting the three daughters of a pious Christian with dowries so that they would not have to become prostitutes
That guy later became known as Santa Claus.
Leave it to some weirdo to get riled up about a very tradition started by a Christ follower.
Michael….the only reason you posted your real name is in hopes that Jen would be interested in an old unemployed guy and she might try and contact you. You probably gave out your real email address too. I actually do have kids and the only reason I’m saying that is in hopes that you’ll tell me what mall you play santa at so that my kids don’t come near your creepy lap.
Ahhhh Amy, you must be a yankee. Saint Nicholas did not start the “tradition” of idolizing a fictional character with God-like qualities that he could focus on around the time of Jesus’ celebrated birthday. Saint Nicholas was merely trying to carry on the work of Jesus by doing the things you say. However, somewhere along the line (I think it was the yankees) the script was flipped and we started idolizing St Nic, aka santa claus, rather than his deeds which were inspired by Jesus. That was so non-believers could participate in Christmas and idolize someone that was a giving person not named Jesus.
The problem now is that, for kids, the focus is not on what great sacrifices St Nic and Jesus did for the less fortunate and how can I do the same, it’s about what is St Nic going to do for me. As adults, if we think that we are carrying on St Nic’s tradition by giving Kindles and Ipads to each other with our Christmas bonuses, don’t you think we’re missing the whole point of giving? I’m sure St Nic is in heaven cringing next to Jesus because he’s more popular on Christmas than Jesus is. I’m sure he’d like to yell down “NOOOOO You got it all wrong!! Re-read the part in the Bible about not having any other idols but God”!!!!!
It’s backwards, all in the name of inclusiveness, and we’re all gonna pay for it. But gotta run, Macy’s is having another One Day Sale!! Woo-hoo!!
Nope raised in a Southern Pentecostal Holy Rollin’ Hellfire & Brimstone Book of Acts Preachin’ Home. If anyone knows anything about Pagans and Pagan Bashing its us
Church of Christ & Missionary Baptist think they know…but they have no clue.
Oh well, as the Bible states – there are folks who are among us who will freak out about the speck in his neighbors eye & not bother to remove the plank from his own head.
God bless you on your Stubbornness! Remember “B-Rad”, Jesus was buddies with liars, theives, murderers, and wh*res. Who are you friends with?
I like your comment, Amy, but I fear you’re wasting it on B-Rad. He’s obviously a troll who gets off on insulting people so he can feel superior…
Actually, Jesus hung out with Ex-Liars, thieves, murderers and wh*res. I only hang out with those who are still active in their craft. Now where did I put that 2×4….
What’s the next topic Jen? It appears my fanclub is eager to hear my Superior Intellectual Knowledge on all subjects that trouble the heart. Sorry about the insults. I promise to not blindly assume anyone is a yankee. That is quite insulting.