The Things I Learned During my 39th year on earth

Lesson 2:  Making a mistake is sort of like biting into an ice cream cone with your bare teeth.  It hurts initially, but the payoff is usually worth it.

     Sadly, the reason I’m so familiar with the benefit of mistakes is that I make so many of them.  Fortunately, I don’t usually make the same ones twice, and I’m getting close to maxing out.  Now I’m starting to wonder happens next.  Do I have to start over?  If so, I’m going to have to slack off a little bit.     

     It sort reminds me of that scene out of “The Great Outdoors” where John Candy volunteers to finish the old 96′er in exchange for a free meal.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with 80′s movie trivia, the 96′er is a 96 oz. side of a beef.  When he finally finishes it, gristle and all, his brother in-law, Dan Aykroyd, asks, “If he chokes down a couple of desserts, can we get you to throw in some hats and t-shirts for the kids?”  That’s my greatest fear in life… that I’ll somehow choke down the gristle only to find out… there’s more.    

     Some of the mistakes I’ve made have been just downright absurd.  For example, I once bought an item my daughter didn’t want for Christmas when she was 3 years-old because it was on sale the day after Thanksgiving.  (Just for the record, they’re too young to know what they want at three, so go cheap.)

    Unfortnately, I found it a week later at an even CHEAPER price, so I marched back into Target and demanded my money back.  Of course they obliged!  Sadly, I lost the receipt, and they never credited my account… meaning I ended up buying the discounted Little People barn my daughter didn’t want not once, but twice. 

    My mother is notorious for these kinds of “mistakes”.  She’s run out of all the big ones, so now she has to resort to ridiculous ones.  For example, she recently bought one of those things you may mayave seen advertised on a latenight infomercial called ”tape yourself slim.” 

     Let me just point out that…. if this product trualy existed, there would be no need for a commercial.  Word of mouth would trhrough the mom blogs like wildfire, and people would be rioting in the streets trying to get their hands on one.  It would be like Armageddon, and it would definitely be retailing for more than $19.99, even on the black market… but I digress.

     The idea is that you can get rid of that unsightly jiggle that most of us over 40 have noticed appearing under our upper arm… perhaps while salting a burrito on the deck of a mexican restaurant with your best friend, prompting a blog I wrote last year called “What Happened to my Arms”.  Go back.  It’s worth the read.

     Anyway, you’re supposed to be able to somehow capture that skin with an adhesive tape and pin it to your back (I’m assuming).  After purchasing this product, you will reportedly be able to break out all those sleevless tops that have been hiding in the back of your closet since 1995.

     I know this is going to come as a shock, but… it didn’t work.  By boyfriend even tried using duct tape to manufacture the same effect.  That doesn’t work either.  I’m just telling you so you won’t find yourself in the bathroom tonight with a roll of it after the kids are in bed.

     Over the past year, I’ve made more mistakes than I care to count.  Fortunately, even the big ones didn’t cause the world to stop spinning on its’ axis.  It may have FELT like it for a while, but it didn’t. 

     My best advice is this.  In the face of a huge bungle, maintain your sense of humor.  I’m not even going to go into some of the things that have happened to me this year because I value other people’s privacy… but suffice to say, my life could have been on an episode of Springer. 

     Now when that happens, you have two choices.  You can either pick up the chairs and go to war, or you can sit back and enjoy the show.  I tried both.  In the end, the show was much better, and for the record, I never actually broke the chair over someone’s head.  I just held it in the air in a threatening manner until I could figure out the best course of action.  You know this is true, or it would have been on the front page of the Tennessean!  LOL

     My next tidbit of advice is this… just forgive yourself.  I spent 39 years dragging around a semi full of baggage filled with all the things I screwed up over the years.  Sometimes when times got tough, I’d sit down in the floor and figuratively spread it all out on the floor to pour over and beat myself up.

     Three words… LET IT GO!  You can’t change the past.  All you can do is learn from those mistakes and do life different the next time around. 

     As I learned one year ago today with the death of my dad… life is short.  You have to decide how you want to live it.  Do you want to feel beaten down and defeated all the time because you promised to make ten fudge pies for the bake sale in 11th grade and couldn’t get them all done?  I didn’t think so.

     I dedicate this blog to my father who was the inspiration for my blog in the first place.  In his disabled state, it was one of his last joys in life, and he read it from his hospital bed each week religously. 

     I have grieved this past year.  I have learned, and my silence is broken.  If you’re wondering why I never credit my mom it’s because a) she’s still alive, and we’re never supposed to say nice things about people until their dead, and b) she’s still teaching me every day.  Her antics entertain me on a regular basis, and who better to teach me the value (or lack thereof) of $19.99?

Recommended Reading:  “How to Forgive Yourself Totally” by R.T. Kendall   

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