Lessons I Learned in my 39th year on earth

Lesson 1: Some people will never like me.

     When I was growing up my mother had a little saying she repeated often.  “Pretty is as pretty does.”  Her tone was sugary sweet, but the warning underneath all that was crystal clear.  Translation: You may be traveling around this earth in a nice exterior shell, but you better hope you find some character and substance to back that up or your screwed. 

     It was good advice!  Unfortunately, like everything else in my life, I took what she said to the extreme and then multiplied it.  In case you haven’t figured this out about me from my previous blogs, I’m obsessive compulsive with an addictive personality to boot.  If one’s good… two are better.    

      One time I nearly plucked off my entire eyebrow in an attempt to get them to “frame my face” like the ones in Glamor magazine.  Nevermind the fact that they were working on Brooke Shields, and I’m nearly bald of eyebrow hair to begin with.  I was convinced that if I just plucked long enough… I, too, could look like Brooke Shields.

     This summer I bathed my long-haired dachshund so often he developed a skin disorder, lost the hair on both sides, and is now subjected to daily medication to compensate for my behavior.  The first time I chopped up an onion it took me two hours (even with the expensive Pampered Chef contraption) because I spent the last hour with a magnifying glass picking out the little pieces of onion skin I forgot to remove before getting started. 

    Do you see where I’m going with this?  Some call it mental illness.  I call it eccentric.  Either way, I took this little tidbit of advice from my mom, put it on steroids, and spent the next 39 plus years trying to earn favor with everyone I came into contact with.  I was a “pleaser”, and when I didn’t please… I was thrust into a major depression.

     I remember back in the late 90′s, during the income tax debate, I was sent to the state capitol to cover people protesting the proposal.  When I got there, there was a line of state troopers standing arm to arm in riot gear and holding batons.  Two feet in front of them was an angry mom of protestors spitting and screaming in their faces.  My 5’4″ body was the one cowering between the two with the microphone in hand. 

      I went down to the street and uttered five words that will live on in infamy, and they were, “It’s a madhouse out here.”  What?  Did she say madhouse?  Madhouse… seriously, MADHOUSE!  How dare you!!!!

      Within ten minutes, it was all over Steve Gill’s radio station that I had uttered the word “madhouse”, and the crucifixion was on.  Listeners labeled me as anti-American, an idiot, too stupid to be on television… a liar.  By the time I got back to the station my boss was already waiting for me in his office.  After the door slammed, he said, “Jennifer, we’d like to talk to you about this usage out there of the word ‘madhouse’.  Are you even aware that you said that word?”

      All I could think was.. Am I dreaming?  This is the twilight zone.  I have crossed into the next dimension.  Where’s Robert Stack.  Come on…. the gig’s up.  Play the music.  “JENNIFER!”  My boss shouted!  (Ok… not a dream.)  “Are you even aware of the damage you have done to this station’s reputation out there?”  Me: “Ah… not really sir.  I’m not really even sure what we’re talking about.”

     Apparently, the Golden Girl was no more.  The whole town hated me for portraying them as “lunatics”, and I was given a verbal warning.  I spent the rest of the week asking to do stories in Macon County just to avoid the angry stares all over the city that were greeting me at every turn. 

     Steve Gill was like a dog with a bone.  His show droned on for hours and hours about me every day for a week.  On Sunday night, before I was scheduled to go back to work, my ex-husband had to scoop me up out of the bonus room floor where I was disheveled and had been mindlessly watching back to back episodes of “I Love Lucy” for two straight days.   

      Like all good scandals, this one was eventually faded and was replaced by some people irate over the abundance of stray dogs in their neighborhood.  It was Metro Animal Control’s turn to run the gauntlet.  YES!

      Unfortunately, I continued to live this way for approximately another decade, always trying to make everyone like me, volunteer for things I had no business being involved in, and working extra shifts at the expense of my family to please the bosses. 

      The trouble is, the world’s a big place.  There’s a LOT of people to please!  Most of the time I would bury my own wants, needs or opinions just to please everyone else and retain my status as the “non” squeaky wheel.    

     Here’s my word for the day, and listen closely… YOU CAN’T DO IT!  JUST STOP!  Do the best you can, and move on!  Some people are NEVER going to like you… ever.  Process that for a minute… EVER! 

     I’m reminded of this weekly.  In case there are any of you out there who are still unconvinced… this next part is for you.  I received an e-mail from a viewer on Wednesday.  Actually, it was to my boss, and I’m assuming this guy wants me beheaded, instead, my boss sent it to me as “food for thought”.  Here goes: 

If you must have Jennifer Johnson read the news, please dear god do not let her ad-lib after stories. She is not smart enough to banter with intelligent people. Make her stick to reading the teleprompter and being cute – that is all she can handle. Following a story about a local radio station changing formats, she said she doesn’t listen to the station because she has satellite radio. PLEASE GET THIS IDIOT OFF THE AIR!  Your newscasts are unwatchable with her on them.

     Now the old me might have used my investigative skills to find out where he lived, monitored him for weeks, and firebombed his house when he least expected it.  Thankfully, that person learned a lot last year.    That was a joke!

     I included this as merely an illustration that life is full of people who will never like you, so invest your efforts in those who already do.  Have a great weekend!

Advertisement