Anger Management

Why is everyone so angry?  My husband and I were just talking about it yesterday on the way home from church.  We drove past this couple out walking with big scowls on their faces.  Have you ever been to a restaurant and seen one of those couples who don’t even make eye contact with each other, let alone speak?  I guarantee you this was the same couple in exercise mode.  It was a beautiful day outside!  Turn that frown upside down.

This morning, while driving my daughter to school, I was greeted once again by one of these hate mongers. I’ll admit. I was doing something really stupid.  I entered the “exit” side of McDonalds.  Don’t act like you’ve never done it.  I had been sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for a half hour thanks to an interstate shutdown.  I’m pleading temporary insanity.

Anyway, this lady who was going the right way rolls down her window and starts flailing her arms at me, while shouting obscenities.  My daughter, the astute passenger that she is, said, “Mommy, she’s saying a bunch of bad words at you.”  I tilted my rearview mirror down so I could see her and said, with a big broad smile, “Yes, and do you see how much I care?  Zero. ” She threw her head back and started howling from the back seat.  I love that big belly laugh.  I didn’t want her to think these people were stealing my joy, but the truth is… they kind of were.  I probably deserved a head shake, maybe even a horn honk, but can we please get a hold of ourselves people?

It’s not just the roads either.  My e-mail account gets quite a workout too.  I have taken the liberty of cutting and pasting some of my “fan” mail below for your reading pleasure.  These are some of my favorites in order.  I’ve left the typos in tact for effect.

“I have felt compelled many times to send an email to you, but none so much as after viewing your story regarding the girl who won the duck calling contest. And i am not an uneducated and opinionated viewer. My father has worked for an NBC affiliate in Huntington WV for 30 years. You would not be allowed the priviledge to use the restroom in their station. Many times you have voiced a personal opinion on a story reported. My understanding is that as a news anchorwoman, you are to report the news and keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself. Although it may seem simple and stupid to you, there is a reason why many cities around the country hold contests to judge the talents of wild game callers. Grab a “kazoo” and pit yourself against them. Id love to see it. Your station has a few talented and professional anchorpersons; you, unfortunately, are not one of them. I will consistently turn to any other channel than WSMV anytime your face and name appears on my television.”

“Do you not know how to read the TelePrompTer or is the writing staff lazy, uneducated or ignorant? I only seem to catch mistakes that you make and while you may not be to blame you come across as less then intelligent. You seems to make these mistakes daily.”

I feel like I was sort of baited on these next two.  They start out nice enough, but things go south rather quickly.  

“I love that fact that you are back on the news and know it must be a real change from you police department gig. (I am making you feel good about yourself before the your fired part) Actually, you know you are very attactive, but please the lip liner has to go. Particularly in HD. Oh my god girl it makes you look like a guppy.”

“Jennifer… I enjoy watching enjoy watching you on the news. Just wanted to let you know that your dark roots are really showing. It really takes away from your looks. You should really pay attention to them as I believe the camera enhances them.”

Now, I’m all for constructive criticism.  I actually appreciate it, but something along the lines of “tone down the lip liner” would have sufficed.  He didn’t have to go overboard with the fish analogy.  The next day I got an e-mail from a plastic surgeon running a special, and I started to wonder if the two were somehow connected.  I had myself convinced that every Nip/Tuck Dr. in town must see my hideous lips and want to fix it.  Maybe I DO belong next to Katie Couric in the move “Shark Tale”.

The first one is probably the most disturbing of the four.  It was sent at 11:00 p.m. on a Friday night, two days after the fact.  We did a story on a duck calling contest, and I think I jokingly said something to the effect of, “Oh… that’s nothing.  Give me a kazoo.  I could do that!”  After reading her e-mail I started wondering if I should take Tae Kwan Do lessons or something so I can protect myself.  She obviously wants to choke the living daylights out of me.

Then there are the phone calls.  There are some people who want the instant gratification of hearing your response to the insult immediately after it’s delivered.  A man who sounded about 65 called my desk two months ago and offered to pay my salon bill if I’d go get something done with my hair.  I have no idea why I didn’t trace his number, track down his address, and bill him.

On the bright side, this stuff provides lots of entertainment for my girlfriends.  I’m like a stand-up comedian at our monthly get-togethers.  We can hardly get through the appetizers before they’re asking me what kinds of nasty things have been electronically hurled at me this month.  I keep saying I’m going to compile them into a coffee table book some day.

Every anchor I’ve ever known gets these, so I try not to take it too personally.  My sister-in-law works for a station in Indianapolis.  Her favorite is this one, “You look so much skinnier in person!”  As the receiver of that compliment, you always wonder just how fat you must look on their t.v. screen for them to even bring it up.  By the same token, what if they said you look much fatter in person?  Wouldn’t that be worse?  It’s almost like asking someone when their baby is due only to find out… they’re not pregnant.  It’s best just to leave it alone.  

I know there are some of you out there who can related to all of this.  You may not get viewer e-mails, but I’m willing to bet that within the past week, maybe at your work, your home, the grocery, or even gymnastics… someone has done something to you that was really mean spirited.  Do you know how much you should worry about that?  Zero